Do you ever encounter situations where you want to say no, but you don't because you're afraid of disappointing other people or you're afraid of not being liked?
That you work 60 hours in a week, while you have 40 in your contract. Do you stick to the limit you set or is this limit not there?
These points will make it easier to say no in the future.
Don't sell yourself short
Anyone who always wants to be liked is selling themselves short. You don't stand up for yourself enough, because you put other people first and put yourself in place 2, 3, maybe 5. You said yes with a smile, because you didn't want to show that you didn't actually support it. There is a chance that your body will react in the long term. Think of neck/shoulder/back injuries or becoming overstimulated/stressed. This is because you exceed your limits or do not know these limits properly.
It's time to set clear boundaries for yourself and stick to them.
Determine your own boundaries
As soon as you say no more often, you will find that you have more time to invest in yourself. You may not initially know what to do during this time. Therefore, make yourself a list of things that you find important and that you would like to spend more time on. Think about increasing knowledge, exercising and relaxing.
In order to say no in a situation, you will first have to determine your own boundaries; until here and no further! Write down these boundaries for yourself and stick to these boundaries. Take for example that you have a very busy week and your friends ask you to go out for a drink, then it is okay to say no. By saying no you have time for yourself that evening and you can do the things YOU still want to do and not what your friends want.
Continue to think consciously
In not every situation you can think long and hard about answering yes or no, but you can start by asking yourself: do I really want to say yes or no to this?
If you have time to think, list everything for yourself and compare it against each other. Eventually you will arrive at your answer.
Think about yourself!
Be aware that when you say no you are not being selfish. You indicate your limit and the fact that you don't go over it is actually very strong. You also don't have to provide any explanation when you say no. Be clear and stand behind your boundaries, that is enough.
Put yourself first and say no more often.
Bjorn Aertssen
Enforce Master Trainer
bjorn@enforce.nl
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