Do you also find it difficult to make choices? Because there are so many things that are fun, right? How can you be sure you are making the right choice? How can you be sure this is really what you want? If you make a choice, does it automatically mean that you cannot do something else? You may be afraid that you are missing something fun or important. Or you are afraid that you are making the wrong choice. You keep worrying and thinking. You can't figure it out. Often the result is that you do nothing. You then feel guilty about that or you feel dissatisfied because nothing happens.
In addition to the above doubts, your inner critic often gets in the way when making a choice. Your inner critic says things like: are you sure, will this not get you into trouble, do you know enough, are you sure this won't end badly, do you know all the facts, it's not that bad after all, you you now have certainty, why do you want to take a risk, is this really what you want and how do you know for sure?
Below I will give you 5 steps to make the right choice.
1. The answer is in your heart, not in your head
Usually you want to make choices with your head. But your head doesn't know the answer. Your doubts are in your head. The result is that you only think and worry even more about all the possible consequences of your choice. Moreover, you often only think about the negative consequences of your choice. You forget to think about the positive consequences of your choice. Thinking about the negative consequences is paralyzing. Moreover, it only gets worse, because everything you pay attention to grows. The answer to your question is not in your head. The answer is in your heart.
If you have to make a choice, be quiet for a moment. Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose, breathe out through your mouth and as you exhale let go of everything you no longer need. Ask yourself the following questions: does this choice make me happy, enthusiastic and cheerful? Does this choice create more freedom and possibilities? How does this choice contribute to my happiness and fulfillment of my important values? Will I be happy if I make this choice?
Or does the choice feel oppressive, anxious or restless. Does it feel light or does it feel heavy. If it feels good it's the right choice. If it feels heavy or constricting, then it is not the right choice for you.
Your heart always knows the right answer. If you dare to listen to that, making choices becomes a lot easier. Start with simple choices that do not depend on too much, so that you increasingly recognize your body's signals. This way you learn to trust your heart and your intuition and making choices becomes easier and easier. I use this way very often. It works flawlessly. I use it for very simple decisions, such as choosing something from a menu at a restaurant, but also for more complicated decisions.
2. Be gentle with yourself
It is very important that you are gentle with yourself when making choices. You always make the best choice you can make at that moment. In retrospect it is easy to say: if I had known that, I would have made a different choice. No one consciously makes the wrong choice. That is why you can only make the best choice for that moment, with all the knowledge and experience you possess at that moment.
3. Learn from your choices instead of being afraid to make a choice
Learn to see the results of your choices as feedback. Nothing more and nothing less. If you don't like the result, don't make you happy or if the result doesn't fulfill your important values, make a different choice.
The next time you berate yourself for making a 'wrong choice', tell yourself, “I made the best choice I could at the time. The current situation is only feedback, it is not failure. I made a choice and this is the result. What can I learn from this? What can I do differently now to make things better for myself? And then make another choice.
Moreover, you only know what the right choice is once you have made a choice and experience the result of your choice! Continuing to think and worry won't help you. Only by doing will you know whether you have made the right choice. If it is not the right choice, you make a new choice. And there is a good chance that the experience will make you see whole new possibilities that you don't see yet.
4. Create a best case scenario
What we often do when making a choice is that we focus all our attention on the problems we may encounter.
Be just as creative to create a best-case scenario in addition to your worst-case scenario. Imagine making that one choice. How does this positively influence your life? Think of as many reasons as possible to do it. How do you feel when you look at the options of your choice?
Let your desire be greater than your fear.
5. Turn your fear into an advantage
It is very important to know that there are two types of fear. Both fears give the same reaction in your body. Most of the time, fear undermines us. But if you make good use of your fear, your fear can actually support you. It can make you take action and get moving. Your fear is then a catalyst that you can use to take the leap and follow your heart. There are 2 types of fear.
As long as there is no real danger to life, this fear is a projected or imagined fear. This fear connects you to your inner critic. This makes you feel smaller, insecure and unsafe.
The other has to do with the tension that comes with excitement and enthusiasm. This is the feeling that arises when you want to step out of our comfort zone, when you want to do something new. Or when you want to make yourself more visible. It's the same excitement you feel when you do something really exciting like bungee jumping, skydiving or riding a roller coaster. Screaming and fun often go together. You can welcome the fear that comes with this. The adrenaline released by fear actually provides energy, inspiration and enthusiasm. Unlike the fear of your inner critic, which makes you panic and want to run or flee, this fear makes you smaller than you really are.
Learn to distinguish between these two fears. Learn to welcome fear and use it as a driving force to do what you want. This fear gives you energy. It ensures that you are focused and alert.
Be aware
Whenever you think a fearful thought or worry, be aware that this fear only exists in your mind. Then you start breathing. And as you breathe and you feel fear, you know
• that you are working on stepping out of your comfort zone
• that you are about to do what you want, regardless of what others say
• that you follow your heart and do not want to live up to someone else's expectations
• that you are breaking through your patterns and want to be visible as you really are
• that you want to be an expression of who you really are, regardless of what others think of you
Your fear is an important signal that you are stepping out of your comfort zone, making your own choices and wanting to walk your life path.
How beautiful is that!
Remy Jean Le
Enforce Master Trainer
remyjean@enforce.nl
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