Recognizable? You are in an important meeting, trying to pay full attention and yet you wander off. 'What shall we eat today?' 'I still have to answer so many emails today' or 'Can you tell from me that I didn't sleep well?'
They are all spontaneous thoughts, thoughts that come and go, thoughts that secretly color your day. On average, the internal voice shoots one thought after another in our heads like a sniper 70,000 times a day.
It is your internal world dialogue, the voice in our heads, which, as it were, 'colours' situations with opinions. These opinions are then converted into responses and statements. Actually it is not a dialogue, but mainly a monologue of your ego!
Lev Vygotsky (1896 – 1934), a psychologist from Russia, was one of the first to conduct research into our internal world dialogue. He expressed our inner conversation as dynamic and changing, always fluttering between word and thought. When speaking a thought out loud (external speech), our thinking is translated into words. However, in an inner world dialogue the words die while we are already thinking about the next thing.
What impact do 70,000 thoughts a day have on our lives? Well, a lot. A huge amount. It can make you insecure, make you worry and give room for assumptions. By the way, this blog is far too limited to discuss all the consequences of our internal world dialogue. Now I will limit myself to the impact of this little voice on our focus.
In short: the internal world dialogue distracts you and therefore affects your performance. What do successful entrepreneurial people have in common? That's right: focus! Extreme focus. Focus is directly related to all your conversations in your head. It distracts you from what is going on at that moment, from the core. So when you develop an opinion about tonight's dinner during that important meeting, you miss the valuable information that is shared.
Of course, all this also applies to your private life. If you are present with an incredible amount of focus in the conversation with your partner or can listen to your children's story, then you are able to have real conversations! Ignoring and transcending internal conversations provides improved focus. This allows you to achieve more results, strengthen relationships and create real impact!
The power of being present
I also notice this during the conversations I have with (new) clients. Through my work as a performance coach, I train myself to always listen to clients with full focus. I get immense details from a conversation: how someone talks, what words he or she uses, what attitude someone has and what things are or are not said. In short: I am really present. This allows me to create value during conversations and maintain focus, so that my committed clients achieve results much faster.
The importance of greater awareness around your internal world dialogue is so great that this is always the subject of a coaching process within Enforce. Your inner voice colors your world, and in many cases in a negative way. Not recognizing this voice ensures that you continue to wander in the circular pattern, you will not get out.
Is dealing with your internal world dialogue easy? No, it takes a big commitment to deal with this if you actually want to apply change in everyday patterns. Your internal world dialogue will always be present and therefore cannot be 'switched off'. So don't create resistance to your thoughts, but accept them. Know that thoughts will always be there, but also know that you don't have to pay attention to them. Training to ignore it in situations takes time, but for doing so you will be rewarded with sharp focus, stronger relationships, and more powerful results.
'You are not your thought, you only have a thought'. However, many people listen to their internal world dialogue and act accordingly. Resulting in an undesirable predictable future.
4 Interesting questions you can ask yourself when having certain thoughts are:
• Is it true?
• Can you be absolutely certain that it is true?
• How do you respond to that thought?
• Who would you be without this thought?
These questions ensure that you create awareness around the thoughts you have and that you do not get carried away. I will give you a number of directly applicable tips and tools below. By working with these tips you will learn to recognize the internal world dialogue, ignore it and then land on earth. Because ultimately, being present in the 'now' is much more beautiful than being stuck in your head.
1. Know what you are aiming for and why. By being clear about your commitments, it is easier to pick yourself up when you stray.
2. Compare your thoughts with commercials. Do you respond to every advertisement you come across? No, probably not. Do this also with your internal world dialogue: accept that thoughts come and go, but simply don't pay unnecessary attention to them.
3 You are not your thoughts, you only have them in your head. By this I mean that it must be a conscious choice to let your feelings depend on the thoughts you have. You are free to choose what you believe and how you respond in situations.
4. Know what you know and know what you don't know. So don't get carried away by assumptions and be critical. In addition, you don't know what you don't know, discover that and the world is your oyster.
5. Listen to people like your life depends on it. Listen to them, see them: be present in the here and now.
6. Observe your internal world dialogue. What thoughts do you have? What do they tell you? And more importantly: does it contribute to your commitment? If not, pick yourself up and ignore them.
Do you need a reflection of your internal world dialogue? At Enforce we like to create sustainable results with enterprising people who know that uncomfortable and unpleasant are just thoughts of your ego!
Richard Suijkerbuijk
CEO Enforce Zeeland
richard@enforce.nl
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